"Does Being a ‘Dry Drunk’ Only Apply to ‘Real’ Alcoholics?"
When I first decided to stop drinking, it wasn’t because I thought I had a problem with alcohol. In fact, sobriety wasn’t even on my radar as an option. I wanted to improve my health, lower my blood pressure, get better sleep—the kind of motivation that makes you think, “I’ll just cut back a little.” I didn’t really see myself as having a drinking problem, so the idea of going completely sober seemed almost excessive. Yet, the more breaks I took, the more I started to notice the benefits. Those short-term wins, like waking up feeling rested and having a clear head, kept me motivated. But if I’m honest, I was still treating it as a health experiment, not a lifestyle.
That’s where my story takes a bit of a turn. I reconnected with my old pal Simon Chapple, he was newly and very proudly sober, was already becoming a well-known figure in the sobriety world, and he invited me to join his community. Through that connection, I began to realise that perhaps my relationship with alcohol was deeper and more complex than I’d initially admitted. This realisation led me (with Simon's encouragement) to pursue training as a sobriety coach, and it’s been through that process of learning and self-discovery that I’ve done the work to address what I now recognise as an emotional and psychological dependence on alcohol.
I hadn’t hit a "rock bottom," and I never saw myself as someone who’d need to "recover" in the traditional sense. I didn’t align with the label “alcoholic,” nor did I go through the 12 Steps. Instead, I crafted my own version of those steps—doing the deep, often uncomfortable work to unravel the reasons I turned to alcohol and to continue that self-improvement journey. And honestly, I believe that has made all the difference in keeping me from becoming a “dry drunk.”
What Does it Mean to Be a “Dry Drunk”?
Now, if you’re unfamiliar with the term “dry drunk,” it’s worth understanding. A “dry drunk” is someone who has stopped drinking but hasn’t addressed the underlying issues that fueled their dependence. According to Crestview Recovery Center, this syndrome is common among individuals who abstain from alcohol yet continue to experience the same frustrations, resentments, and emotional volatility they felt while drinking. It’s as if they’re white-knuckling their way through sobriety, feeling deprived rather than fulfilled.
When I first came across this idea, I wondered, “Does this only apply to people who consider themselves alcoholics or who have a physical addiction to alcohol? Or could this concept of a ‘dry drunk’ apply to people like me— drinkers who may not fit the mold of traditional addiction but still have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol?
The Path of Resentment vs. the Path of Acceptance
For many of us who fall in the grey area, it’s easy to resent the idea of quitting entirely. I used to think, “Why should I have to give it up completely when I’m not ‘addicted’?” But the truth is, without doing the inner work, it’s easy to get stuck in that resentment. That resentment can make you feel like you’re missing out, as though sobriety is a punishment rather than a positive choice.
And here’s where I see the risk of falling into a “dry drunk” mindset. Without the work, you may find yourself constantly longing for what you’ve given up instead of embracing the freedom that comes with sobriety. For me, accepting that I needed to go deeper than just quitting and doing the work to understand my own emotional and psychological reliance on alcohol is what has given me peace with my choice. It’s made me want to be sober rather than just feel like I have to be.
Redefining Sobriety and Releasing Labels
The idea of being a dry drunk challenges us grey area drinkers to rethink what sobriety means. For so long, I resisted identifying as an alcoholic, and honestly, I still don’t use that term for myself. But I have surrendered to the idea that I have a better life without alcohol. And through my journey, I’ve come to believe that doing the inner work—whether or not you resonate with the term “alcoholic”—is essential to finding peace in sobriety.
It’s about more than just abstaining. For me, sobriety is about breaking down those underlying beliefs and behaviours, understanding why I turned to alcohol in the first place, and building a life that doesn’t need it. It’s about self-discovery, personal growth, and cultivating a mindset that feels genuinely at peace with my choice. That’s what I believe has kept me from the path of a “dry drunk.”
Can Grey Area Drinkers Become Dry Drunks?
So, can grey area drinkers also be dry drunks? In my experience, yes. If we simply remove alcohol without addressing our emotional or psychological attachment to it, we’re at risk of feeling just as unfulfilled as before. We may not have hit a rock bottom or identify with a physical addiction, but without understanding and reframing our relationship with alcohol, we can still feel as though something’s missing.
That’s why I continue to educate myself, work through self-improvement, and remain connected to the community that supported me through this journey. Because sobriety, for me, is more than just the absence of alcohol—it’s about growth, resilience, and truly being at peace with the choice to live alcohol-free.
In the end, I’ve found it easier to surrender to the idea of sobriety, not as a label or a punishment, but as a path to a fuller, healthier, and happier life. And that’s what I hope for others on this journey—whether you consider yourself a “drinker” or not.
If you would like more support in your journey to emotional and psychological freedom from alcohol, find out more about my group coaching program here.
Ellen xoxo
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